15 July 2024

Living the dream and beyond

Life has never been better…truly

But what comes next?

What will I do after transition? What if it becomes an end in itself, and that is a mistake. I seem to spend most of my life thinking about it, doing it, planning the next stage. That is all fine in some ways but really transition is just a new set of clothes…it is not an end in itself. OK more than a new set of clothes but you can see what I am hinting at I hope.
One thing is sure, during transition everything in my life is going to change. Planning ahead is the only way.
Is it actually possible to plan for something you have no idea how it will turn out? Old friends and family members are already starting to fall like winter leaves. Most through lack of contact or social distance. We just don’t fit together like we once did.
I have some new friends since I began my new life…but what do they want of me and are these friendships just transitional too. It may seem a strange question to ask but, why am I doing all this?
For me it’s the dysphoria, I can’t live with a male body anymore. Also I want to express my emotions, feelings and needs honestly…and that is as a woman…which is what I am. And then what?

It is fair to say there aren’t so many trans women out there and society isn’t exactly over keen on us. Where do we fit in?
It is always going to be hard to be trans. There is always going to be stigma and prejudice, suspicion and even outright resentment. That’s a fact, like it or not. So how to live the dream once I have achieved my physical and mental transition?
Exactly what is my dream?
So far it has felt like running out of my burning house, the only vital thing is to get out alive. Once outside though, stood in a nightshirt with everything I own burning behind me…what do I do then?
How do I start to build my new life…the life as the transformed me.
I need a plan, something to work toward when I leave the burning house.
I have done this before, and to be fair I think it is going to make a huge difference again. In my working life I help people build their future, discover themselves and achieve their goals. Self development and improvement. This is an extract from my commercial web site that illustrates what I mean. Written in 2021:

Discover yourself and move forward

writing my future

…I started  by thinking about my the future, a sheet of paper and a pencil in my hand and started to make notes. What was I going to plan?
An hour later the paper was still blank. Was I going about it the wrong way? I couldn’t think of anything I could actually do because I had no idea where I was trying to get too or even what there was to work toward. The future is as blank as that sheet of paper. So that’s it then I decided…do nothing and wait and see. That felt wrong though.

So…I turned over the sheet of paper (yes I know it doesn’t make much difference does it…the paper is blank on both sides!)  Actually it does, I found for some strange reason.

OK, this time I’ll write down the things that I have, the pieces of my life that matter.
Top of the page I wrote:  I’m positive, I want something better…great start! Next I wrote down things I liked most…my treasures if you like. Next, the things I like to do; I was on a roll, this list was proving easy.
Next: the skills I have and education and experience I have gained so far. After that I added another list of the things I’m good at; here I added the things I like to do also. I allowed my favourite pastimes and indulgences! Why not, when I build a new life, these would have to be a part of it.

My page soon filled up with all manner of personal skills, likes and pleasures. I also knew who and what was important to me. The first line, I’m positive, now seemed more important than when I wrote it, because now I had a list of why I am that way. I knew that when I turned that page over…I had something to write, something to include in my future…I just had to plan how to arrange it. When you set off on any journey  you need the right things for the trip and a knowing that what you want is at the end of it.

I think I have. It won’t be the same as yours…it won’t be the same as anyone’s. Time to turn over the page…

It’s important to know what matters but equally what doesn’t. I will have to be harsh about this. A friend said to me, ‘when I became a trans women I knew I had to start again. I took with me my skills but left behind my achievements and experience.’